You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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