Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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