the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
being pregnant is like rehab
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
