I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
