he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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