you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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