hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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