Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
