She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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