Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
