I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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