why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
