This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
