I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
