dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
