Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
