It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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