i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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