whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
