god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
