The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
