My sheets look like a crime scene.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
