imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize