I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
