I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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