why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it's like iHOP with fire
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
