I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
