So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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