At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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