I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
