he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
