remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
