I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
