he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
accomplished twins. life is a go
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
