i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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