When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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