I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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