we have officially lost it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
