1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
