The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I just sharted jello shots
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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