I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
