the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
