Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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