Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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