she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize