please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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