Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
