I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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