he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize