Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
