Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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