8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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