so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
