Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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