the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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