3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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