idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
