Buhtt sex?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
