Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
