I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
