Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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