Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
