U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
