They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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