I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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