Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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