i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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